A Thousand Hearts Attack!

If I had amazing laser hands

And my big toes were super intelligent sentient toes

That agreed with me on my life choices and were very supportive

And I had the real version of Return of the Jedi

where Han Solo is in the Millenium Falcon at the end

And Lando can waste his time with the Ewoks instead

And I had magic super Coffee that tastes like coffee smells

(and gives you the power of flight)

And I knew how magnets work

And I had the recipe of orange Kraft Diner powder and could make it at home

And I had a monkey gun that shot out monkeys

And the monkeys have laser hands too so we can do laser highfives

And they speak with a British accent and wear a monocle and a top hat

And one day I met a robot

That got hit by lightning and then magically had a soul

(But not Johnny five, another robot that is less racist)

And I got accepted into a super selective club

And they told me what the secret 27^th letter of the alphabet is

(it’s between “m” and “n” and looks like a spoon that a robot swallowed)

It still wouldn’t be as awesome as Tina Fey