THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

We have a serious contender for “favorite movie of 2012”. Obviously we’re in April so yeah it’s clearly too early to tell, but let me tell you something: if The Cabin In The Woods doesn’t make at LEAST the top five it will mean we’ve had an absolutely epic year in films.

Because The Cabin In The Woods is fucking great.

Usually I link to a trailer whenever I write a review for a film but I won’t do that here. The less you know the better. So much so that I will reveal very little of the plot. In fact I’ll tell you nothing the title hasn’t already made clear: five young friends go spend a weekend at a cabin in the woods, and things get horribly terrible for them once they get there. Aaaaaaand that’s all I’m saying.

Okay I’ll say a little bit more. The Cabin In The Woods is the best, most fun horror movie I’ve seen in years. It is incredibly clever. It is at once a love letter to the the genre and a fantastic addition to it. It never looks down on the genre either, while side-stepping all of it’s common downfalls. I’ll give you an example: in too many horror films you cannot fuckin wait for most of the characters to die, because they are assholes. There isn’t a single asshole in The Cabin In The Woods (okay wait there’s one, he spits a lot) (spoiler alert: spit!) I liked ALL THE KIDS! I didn’t want any of them to die. They’re smart and nice and clearly great friends, played with real chemistry by a fantastic cast of mostly unknowns (to me) except for a younger Chris Hemsworth (Thor, from the films with Thor in them) and the very funny Fran Krantz whom I remembered from the short-lived TV show Dollhouse. To like these kids is important because when the shit hits the fan I felt emotionally involved. The stakes were great because these were cool people who were in trouble, people I’d gladly be friends with and possibly look at their boobs with. Boobs. There are some in this film. But I digress.

I also love how the movie opens, which I again will not spoil for you, but it throws you for a loop. It takes just a few moments to understand that this movie is different from what you thought you were walking into, better in fact. The opening sets this up so well, and the title card is fucking epic. What is actually going on becomes clear fairly quickly, but the fun is in the why. There are really great reveals in the film, peppered through out. Also, it brings the funny.

That’s right, for the price of one (truly effective) horror film, you get a bag and a half of hearty laughter for absolutely free!!!!! I laughed out loud many times during The Cabin In The Woods. And not cheap laughs either, no fart jokes here, only smart funny is allowed in the cabin.

Drew Goddard (writer of the great Cloverfield) and Joss Whedon (Buffy the vampire slayer, Angel, Firefly, Astonishing X-Men, the upcoming The Avengers) co-wrote the movie together and Goddard directed it. This is a million dollar script directed by a man who knows his horror movies. It is perfectly paced, amps up the creepiness exactly when it should, brings the jumps and the gore (this is not early Peter Jackson level gore, but the movie gets very very bloody) and ties it all up so perfectly in the end that I wanted to stand up and clap.

Also very much worth noting: Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford are in this movie and they are so great together I want them to have their own spin off.

My friend Mathieu is a man of great reach and was able to get us passes to see a special screening tonight for free but make no mistake: I am going right back to the theater come Saturday night and seeing this movie again with a bunch of friends. It’s worth seeing again. And again after that. I want to give this movie my ten bucks. I really, really want this movie to make money. It’s great. It’s better than great. Find a word better than great, it’s that. If you are at all a fan of horror movies you really owe it to yourself to see this. You’ll be so happy that you did.

I’m in lesbians with The Cabin In The Woods, and I’m not afraid to say it.

The MONDO poster for The Cabin In The Woods is escherrific and great.
The word “escherrific”, however, is not.

The MONDO poster for The Cabin In The Woods is escherrific and great.

The word “escherrific”, however, is not.

Some movies I’m super looking forward to in 2012

-The Innkeepers


A bunch of peeps I know saw it last Summer at the Fantasia film fest and they all loved it. It’s one of the few I missed out on and it’s coming out in February. There’s a trailer out there that I refuse to see. I’m going in this one clean.

-John Carter


Andrew Stanton follows in the footsteps of fellow Pixar wizard (yes, they are wizards, be silent) Brad Bird and makes the jump to live action. He’s adapting pulp classic The Princess of Mars, the first John Carter adventure, published around 1917 or something. People will inevitably accuse it of ripping off Avatar and Starwars and stuff. These people will have the whole thing ass over tits. John Carter was seducing otherwordly princesses before it got cool.

-The Cabin in the woods


When Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard team up to take horror genre conventions for a spin, you stop whatever you’re doing and you bask in their collective genius like the puny lesser human that you are. Or at least I will.

-Marvel’s The Avengers


Joss Whedon is given amazing toys and ressources to pit Iron Man and Hulk and all their buddies against something probably mean and rude. I’m there.

-Prometheus


Ridley Scott returns to the world his Alien franchise takes place in. I think this movies happens before all that stuff though. In any event it’ll look great. Also it has Michael Fassbender in it and I’m at least 5% gay for him.

-Brave


It’s Pixar doing a movie not involving cars, so I’m in.

-The Dark Knight Rises


Um. You really need a description?

-Looper


Ryan Johnson did an amazing film called BRICK, then he followed that up with a fantastic and completely different film called THE BROTHERS BLOOM. LOOPER is his third film, that’s enough for me. But hey, when it’s about future Bruce Willis being time machined back to the present to be assassinated by his younger self (played by regular joe Joseph Gordon Levitt) it seriously garantees my ass in the seat.

-The motherlovin’ Hobbit

(that’s not an official poster, there isn’t one yet)


I just like their hairy feet.

-Django Unchained

(that’s not an official poster, there isn’t one yet)


Quentin Tarantino is doing a cowboy movie about an escaped slave seeking vengeance or justice or something equally badass. Look, it’s Tarantino and he’s in my top five. I’m going.

That’s it for now. I’m sure I’m forgetting a thousand movies but it’s 6 AM and I really should find my keys.

Later, film lovers